I'm sorry
by Eyesatrac135
Summary: Harley, Ivy, and The Joker... What happened that night? COMPLETE.


I'm sorry.

I really am.

I didn't mean to.

And it wasn't my fault!

Well, it actually was my fault…

But I really didn't mean to!

Well, I actually kind of did mean to…

And now I feel bad…

I feel like a traitor…

And I am…

I am a traitor…

No, I'm more than that…

I'm a monster!

A psychotic monster!

A demon.

And it's all _his_ fault!

He corrupted me!

He's the one to blame!

Not Red.

Not Batman.

Not even me.

I can't believe I'm saying this.

He's my little puddin' and I'll always

**LOVE**

him. Always.

But I'm not blind either.

I know what he's capable of.

His persuasion.

And I hate him for that.

I truly **do hate** him!

But I shouldn't…

I shouldn't hate him…

Not for that…

No, I shouldn't…

He doesn't know what he's doing either…

He's just as lost and confused and as I am…

Clueless, the poor thing…

I guess he really isn't to blame after all…

He too is a victim of the circumstances…

No!

What am I saying?

That perverted clown is always to blame!

He's not crazy, he's sick!

That homicidal bitch!

Always making me feel bad and treating me like crap!

Like crap!

If only I didn't love him so much, I'd leave 'im!

Leave 'im!

LEAVE 'IM!

"LEAVE 'IM!" my mind tells me.

"Leave 'im for good!"

But my heart tells me to stay…

Ah…my heart…

Ah…my mind…

My mind.

My mind.

I can't trust it either…

Can't trust my mind…

Can't trust my shadow…

Can't trust the whoopee cushion…

Can't even trust Mr. J…

Well, I guess I can trust him :)

He's always there for me

And sure he can be a little mean

And a little violent

And a little evil

And a little wacko

But he's my puddin' and I'll always love him!

Love.

Guess that's what it all comes down to, huh?

Love.

Whether it's what I _feel_ for him

Or the sisterly love I _felt_ for Red.

Poor Red…

My Red…

Always helped me out when he would hit me

or kick me

or beat me up

or simply treat me like crap

Like crap.

She was always there for me…

And although she wasn't a saint

(None of us are)

She had good judgment

And she cared for me.

She wasn't that bad.

Red.

Yeah.

Color of her hair.

Color of her blood.

I'm sorry.

That's what I tell myself.

That's what I told her before I did it.

I'm sorry.

Two powerful words that had all the meaning in the world when I said them.

But to her, to Red, they were worthless. They worthless cause they weren't sincere.

Was I truly sorry?

I was.

I am.

I'm sorry.

But it was my choice.

My decision.

I'm not blaming anyone but me.

What could I do anyway?

Mr. J or my little Red?

Joker or Ivy?

My friend or my lover?

It was my fault for running away.

Running to Red for refuge.

How could I've been so stupid?

I knew if I left, things would get ugly.

I knew Joker would go looking for me.

He never did that before, but he was getting tired of my run-aways.

The night was depressing.

It was gray.

Not red like it always was.

But there was enough red that night anyways…

He wanted to kill her.

He tried to kill her.

Mr. J.

He tried to kill Red.

I wanted to stop him.

I really did.

But it was Red's fault!

I realize now it was her fault!

Or puddin's?

No!

It was Red's!

Red's!

Sure Mr. J had a gun at her head.

Sure the gun fired knives.

Sure he said he would kill her if I didn't come back.

Would he really do it?

Would he really resort to murder?

My puddin'? A killer?

I don't think so.

It was her fault!

Red's fault for trying to act smart!

She knew if she did what she did I would do something back!

She knew if she hurt my puddin' I would react!

She knew if she kicked him and yanked the gun from his soft little hands,

She knew if she did all that and threatened to kill _him_ _- him! _- _my little angel,_

She knew if she did that I would defend my sweet little guy!

It was then I took out my own gun…

What else could I do?

Puddin' was in danger!

What else could I do?

Mr. J or my Red?

Joker or Ivy?

My friend or my lover?

_What else could I do??_

_WhatelsecouldIdodamnit?!?!_

I just could not stand the loss of my puddin'

And Ivy was serious!

But he was Love and my friend!

I couldn't stand losing my love…

I couldn't stand losing my friend…

Well, I kind of did.

I lost my friend.

Cause before she could pull that trigger

(pull that trigger and hurt my little angel!)

I _had to_ pull mine!

And that's how it happened.

It was all her fault for wanting him!

Or was it my fault?

Mr. J's fa-

NO!

It was her fault!

It was her fault!

It was her fault!

It was her fault!

It was her fault!

It was my fault!

It was my fault!

It was my fault.

My fault…

My fault…

My fault…

I didn't have to shoot her that many times…

Once was enough…

Two at the most…

But Mr. J told me to…

And I _have to_ do as he says!

_I have to._

…

And now what happens?

I'm back with my puddin'

Life is like hell,

and I'm still sorry.

But I had to.

R.I.P. Dr. Isley.

I'm sorry - but I _had_ to.


End file.
